Today was a tad different than yesterday. Yesterday I blogged as if Mommy Life was complete bliss and that nothing is wrong with the world. But that is not reality. I wish yesterday had carried on for the rest of my life, with my cute little toddler behaving so perfectly.
Today was of the "I could burn my house down!!" and "Is there something I WON'T cry about today?!" variety. I am so freakin' tired. Yes hormonal with pregnancy, but also my 2 year old Eli wants something new to eat every 20 minutes. I can't simply lie around on the couch with his tirades. If I ignore him or say no, he'll scream bloody murder, so I cater. But then I look at him with big doe eyes and think "OMG, you are going to be in shock when your sister is born in a few months and I won't be able to cater to your every whim." Poor little guy, his whole world's gonna turn upside down. And hopefully for the better..?
So onto this morning's Dark Ages: the toilet is clogged- AGAIN. One of our toilets clogs every damn day. Yes I said "damn", because I wish I could say that's an exaggeration, but it's not. Ask my husband. He'll tell you about our toilet clogs and he doesn't exaggerate in the slightest. So as the water rose to the top, and I closed the lid, praying it would go down (hey, sometimes it does!), I then proceeded to take a nice quiet shower because Eli was watching a movie. As soon as I stepped out of the lovely shower, I saw him walk over and flush the toilet again.
So let me keep this next part of the story brief: I dropped my towel, exposing my pregnant nakedness, and ran to get 8 towels from the hall closet. On coming back into the bathroom, the water was everywhere. Ugh, disgusting- especially after taking a shower and feeling like a fresh mama, this was bad timing!
I sopped up the water, which Eli and I both had walked through. I won't go through all of the details but I was so out of control angry I went to throw a bathroom fixture out the back door in my anger. The strong Tri Cities wind blew the door open so fast that I am 99.9% sure that at least one of my neighbors saw me naked. I am mortified.
So I went to put on a bathrobe, which then turned Eli into a screaming monster who also wanted a bathrobe. But the bathrobes are too big, and then he yells and cries more so I just stood there not knowing what to do.
Soo, my morning was terrible. I was crying and crying. Eli didn't know what to think. I kept hugging him, but crying. In moments like those, I just want to hide away. I felt so ashamed. And it wasn't due to my nakedness (I got over that. Hey, at least a neighbor got an interesting day and story to tell if he or she saw the nakeds) but instead my anger was due to the spilled toilet water and endlessly crying toddler who I can't satisfy! I didn't want to talk to anyone. I thought "I can deal with this alone. I need to pray, or maybe I need to analyze and get a grip." But I just knew from past experience that I couldn't do that and feel whole!
So I did a hard thing- the opposite of my strong will- and called a few friends who I knew would listen to me. My friend Halley just listened quietly as she answered the phone and I started crying. I told her I was having a crap day. She really listened to me, and let me just be a mess. One of my friends, my "mom", Phyllis, laughed and laughed with me as I told her my whole story and especially at the "naked" parts of the story. I laughed so hard too that I was crying again, but this time tears of joy. My friend Melody and I talked when she called me to chat, and we had a heart to heart about the hard "mommy days". Halley brought me flowers at lunchtime as well as some curry chicken and milkshakes. Our boys played, and she and I talked intimately about life.
My whole day changed, and it's because I reached out to people who love me and accept me. I wanted to blog about this today because it is SO IMPORTANT to have safe people in our mom lives. People we can trust to let us be a mess, and people who can come to us when they're a mess and they can trust us too.
In our culture, it is so hard to have a group of friends or family who will just come around and support us. We are all separated in our little homes. We have to discern who our friends are, and ASK them to be there for us. They can't read our minds. I would have stayed holed up today with no one- if I hadn't been vulnerable and reached out.
Do you have so much pride you can't reach out and ask for help? Can you be vulnerable with a friend and share intimacy? If not right now and you've been lonely, it's time to reach out! But it's a journey, and it takes courage to step out. And you will get hurt- because some people aren't safe and you can't trust them. Then you navigate to new, safer friends who will listen and let you be yourself, if you open up.
Be encouraged and loved today, my friends! <3
Wednesday, April 23, 2014
Tuesday, April 22, 2014
Rainy, Cozy Day
I am sitting here on this rainy day with my 2 year old mister Eli, wondering if the day could get any better! I woke up early due to Eli saying "Mama, Mama, helllOOOO!" under his bedroom door at 5:15 am. He can't turn the door handle yet, and that is a blessing because at 5 am in the morning, I don't want him running around the house. I should have just ignored his yelling because he probably would have just assumed I was sleeping and gone back to bed. But out of habit, I just got up and opened his door, hoping to just lead him back into his bed to go night night. Oh no, he was pissed. He started thrashing, he screamed over and over. Wow, I have a strong little man! Since Cory was going to get up anyway for work, he had me go back to bed and took over. I should have just gotten up because for the next hour in bed, I couldn't sleep since Zoe was kicking me in my pregnant belly the whole time. Eli came into my bed awhile later and cuddled me for a bit, then literally kicked me in my face- TWICE- then cried loudly that he was sorry after realizing he hurt me. That will wake anyone up for the day, guaranteed!
I have been up with Eli just hanging around the house, cleaning up, making breakfast, wiping his nose, washing his hands a half dozen times on the step-stool in the bathroom, giving him his daily, coveted gummy vitamin and singing praises to the gummy vitamin for it's goodness. Then we watched the Leapfrog Phonics Farm show on Netflix and Eli told me all the letters and their sounds. When we got to "J", I told him J was the first letter of my name, Jessica, so he then walked around the house saying "My name! My name!" so that was a huge success, lol.
I was thinking it was just a hum-drum day. Until I realized it is such a beautiful rainy day and I was taking it for granted! I remember working outside the home for years and on rainy days like this. I would always DREAM about how I wished so badly I could stay home and cuddle up with a cup of coffee while watching the rain fall outside. And now I can! So that's what Eli and I are doing right now. I'm on my laptop, he's on his toy laptop and we are sipping our drinks and enjoying this rainy day. I am excited to blog today, just to blog, with no agenda.
I hope you moms, and everyone else, can enjoy the day as well, and just enjoy today without hurry.
I have been up with Eli just hanging around the house, cleaning up, making breakfast, wiping his nose, washing his hands a half dozen times on the step-stool in the bathroom, giving him his daily, coveted gummy vitamin and singing praises to the gummy vitamin for it's goodness. Then we watched the Leapfrog Phonics Farm show on Netflix and Eli told me all the letters and their sounds. When we got to "J", I told him J was the first letter of my name, Jessica, so he then walked around the house saying "My name! My name!" so that was a huge success, lol.
I was thinking it was just a hum-drum day. Until I realized it is such a beautiful rainy day and I was taking it for granted! I remember working outside the home for years and on rainy days like this. I would always DREAM about how I wished so badly I could stay home and cuddle up with a cup of coffee while watching the rain fall outside. And now I can! So that's what Eli and I are doing right now. I'm on my laptop, he's on his toy laptop and we are sipping our drinks and enjoying this rainy day. I am excited to blog today, just to blog, with no agenda.
I hope you moms, and everyone else, can enjoy the day as well, and just enjoy today without hurry.
Wednesday, February 19, 2014
Post workout shakes
I want to tell you right now that my whole life I've worked out
and never had a post-workout shake until I started Beachbody programs and
learned the benefits of it. Also my husband Cory has taught me a lot about this subject. I even had someone tell me a decade ago that after
a workout you should wait an hour to eat after exercise, and that was the
worst advice! A post workout shake will change your ENTIRE body composition. If you've never had a "toned" body, a post workout meal or shake will change that.
Here's the deal: Within 30 minutes of a workout, drink/eat 30 grams of protein mixed with 60 grams of a fast-acting carbohydrate (make it fit in your calorie range with whatever workout you're currently doing). The idea is to have a 3:1 ratio of carbs to protein. So just remember: 30 grams protein and 60 grams carbs is perfect according to experts. A good reason to know and keep the ratio above in mind is because you may be a little over or under when not only finding a good whey protein source, but also when right after a workout, you start to be in tune with your body and if you need more or less of a scoop of protein! Sometimes I will even do just 20 grams of protein. There's no perfect amount as every body is different. You can become aware of what you need over time and of course adjust when necessary
Here is what I do! Because I have my Shakeology for breakfast and work out later on during Eli's nap later on, I don't drink Shakeology for a post-workout, but if you can, DO IT. It's great fuel, and has a great ratio of protein, carbs and nutrition. A scoop of that, plus adding a little bit more of another a fast carb will be perfect. I just prefer to drink my Shakeology in the morning since I love having that all-day energy and I don't like making a complicated breakfast.
What I personally do for my post workout then is: a scoop of pure whey protein powder (a fast-absorbing whey) and a half cup to full cup of apple juice. I keep the shake around 400 calories. I can keep apple juice in the house because it does not tempt me at all as a snack drink. Orange juice or any other kind I can't keep in the house as it's too tempting to snack on. Juice is not a good snack because it is dense in sugary calories. One cup of orange juice is like 10 squeezed oranges- you get what I mean? As a post-workout with whey, juice is beneficial, and therefore is a different story. Back to your edumacation...
Here is what happens: Many people do not realize that the very act of exercise DOES NOT build muscle. Exercise breaks down muscle. The muscle toning happens during the recovery! When you drink that fast acting post-workout drink, the nutrition/macros go in and repair your broken down muscle asap, which is what you need. The fast carbs from the juice carry the protein directly to your fatigued muscles and restore them more quickly than if you wait to eat. The longer you wait to eat, the longer your body is stressed and will actually steal your muscle to restore the body because muscles are faster to burn than fat and your body knows that. That is why muscle definition doesn't happen as much if you wait a long time to eat. If you are a man, your body will still show a little muscle definition because of your testosterone.
Here's the deal: Within 30 minutes of a workout, drink/eat 30 grams of protein mixed with 60 grams of a fast-acting carbohydrate (make it fit in your calorie range with whatever workout you're currently doing). The idea is to have a 3:1 ratio of carbs to protein. So just remember: 30 grams protein and 60 grams carbs is perfect according to experts. A good reason to know and keep the ratio above in mind is because you may be a little over or under when not only finding a good whey protein source, but also when right after a workout, you start to be in tune with your body and if you need more or less of a scoop of protein! Sometimes I will even do just 20 grams of protein. There's no perfect amount as every body is different. You can become aware of what you need over time and of course adjust when necessary
Here is what I do! Because I have my Shakeology for breakfast and work out later on during Eli's nap later on, I don't drink Shakeology for a post-workout, but if you can, DO IT. It's great fuel, and has a great ratio of protein, carbs and nutrition. A scoop of that, plus adding a little bit more of another a fast carb will be perfect. I just prefer to drink my Shakeology in the morning since I love having that all-day energy and I don't like making a complicated breakfast.
What I personally do for my post workout then is: a scoop of pure whey protein powder (a fast-absorbing whey) and a half cup to full cup of apple juice. I keep the shake around 400 calories. I can keep apple juice in the house because it does not tempt me at all as a snack drink. Orange juice or any other kind I can't keep in the house as it's too tempting to snack on. Juice is not a good snack because it is dense in sugary calories. One cup of orange juice is like 10 squeezed oranges- you get what I mean? As a post-workout with whey, juice is beneficial, and therefore is a different story. Back to your edumacation...
Here is what happens: Many people do not realize that the very act of exercise DOES NOT build muscle. Exercise breaks down muscle. The muscle toning happens during the recovery! When you drink that fast acting post-workout drink, the nutrition/macros go in and repair your broken down muscle asap, which is what you need. The fast carbs from the juice carry the protein directly to your fatigued muscles and restore them more quickly than if you wait to eat. The longer you wait to eat, the longer your body is stressed and will actually steal your muscle to restore the body because muscles are faster to burn than fat and your body knows that. That is why muscle definition doesn't happen as much if you wait a long time to eat. If you are a man, your body will still show a little muscle definition because of your testosterone.
Also, as an alternative, you can eat food as a post-workout meal instead of drinking a shake, but food takes longer
for the body to digest, as opposed to juice and whey protein. Also, Beachbody has an awesome Results and Recovery formula that can take the place of juice. It is very high quality with no cheap fillers in it. If you are interested, let's talk. There is also a high quality whey protein shake mix that is the best out there ingredients-wise. If you need to keep it really inexpensive, the juice and a generic whey protein works fine :)
Let's get a discussion going on this if you need clarification! Usually lots of people have questions to understand this fully. But let me just say this. I NEVER got cut or had muscle definition in my life until I started drinking a post workout shake.
Let's get a discussion going on this if you need clarification! Usually lots of people have questions to understand this fully. But let me just say this. I NEVER got cut or had muscle definition in my life until I started drinking a post workout shake.
Jess
Thursday, February 6, 2014
Valentines Friends, I Love You, and Best Friends
Even though Valentines Day comes in February and is a time usually spent romancing our significant other, what about our friends? I am not yet at the stage where my toddler sends his friends little valentines cards and candies yet, that will be fun. But, moms, what I'm talking about is our girlfriends!
I was thinking lately, I am such a Words of Affirmation person, and I like to say "thank you" and "you are awesome at this" to my mom friends, but I rarely say "I love you". That struck me pretty hard. We are so eager to make sure we tell our partners, families, and kids we love them. Why not our friends?
Friends can be tricky sometimes. Especially for us girls. There can be drama, miscommunication, hard feelings, misunderstanding, but it's time, first of all, to connect with friends that you truly love, despite differences and strong-willed emotions. It doesn't matter if those friends you love started a problem or who did what! Be a friend and reach out first. All you have to say is "How are you? I miss you!" And start the conversation "Is everything okay?" Hash it out if the other person needs that. Say you are sorry. Oh, I cannot emphasize the latter enough. Say you're sorry, say you're sorry, say you're sorry. Even if you don't feel wrong, say you are sorry. Why? Because it validates their feelings! And especially because your friend actually voiced the problem, which is really hard for us girls to do! Or you can start the conversation by saying that things aren't okay and you wish they were and that you want to discuss it.
I highly recommend doing this in person or on the phone. If it has to be over text/email, try to be very descriptive as it's hard to tell how someone is coming across. Use lots of smiley faces!!
I am a recovering strong-willed person. I have to humble myself and love my friends. If I didn't, I don't know if I'd have any friends. A relationship is give and take.
So about the "I love you" part with friends. Our friends need to hear I Love You lots and lots, I believe. I wonder if it's because we girls are all about Words of Affirmation. It may be awkward for you to tell your friends I Love You. They may feel awkward about it. But you need to do it! And it gets easier for both parties once it's said enough! If you want to have long-term friends, I think I Love You, and actually loving your friend with what they need, is the best way to have friends for life.
Best Friend: 2 Dirty Words
The words "Best" and "Friend" together are dirty! Just as dirty is "One of My Best Friends". This is definitely a chord that will strike some of you negatively. If it does, that's okay and you don't have to agree with me. This is my opinion based on years of experience. I had a good friend, shall I say a GREAT friend, for many years from high school to my mid to late 20s. Anytime I would introduce her to my other friends, she would say "Jessica is my best friend since high school." Ugh, it really turned me off. I was very sensitive to the fact that other girls were thinking "I can't compete with that, she has a best friend- that place is taken. I wonder if I will have a lesser relationship with Jessica". In my early 20s, I had another dear friend who started calling me her best friend. Unfortunately I had the opportunity to have these 2 friends who called me their Best Friend meet each other one day, and it was ugly. They were both like "No, she's MY best friend." Yuck. I am sad to say both of these girls are no longer in my life. Dare I say that the word "Best Friend" should be reserved to our high school days when we were young and don't know better, not knowing much about life in the real world after high school. Like I said, you can disagree and do whatever you wish with the words Best Friend and maybe even be a really mature person and say it, but it really strikes me the wrong way. We live in a huge world and I hope to meet many people and have very deep, special relationships. They can become good friends or great friends, but I will only ever talk about them as "a good friend", because good friends are awesome to have and those words don't intimidate other women into thinking they can't be as close to me. And heck, if you do happen to meet your very best friend in the whole wide world, definitely tell them! And then keep it a very fun secret between the 2 of you, never again to be used to distance other girlfriends in your life. ;)
I was at a playdate with a bunch of girls I knew, some I didn't, a few weeks ago. One of the girls I did not know said at least twice that she and her best friend were...blah blah blah. I completely stopped listening and had no interest in getting to know her any further. I think many girls feel this way and I'm not alone. What if you stopped saying those words? Maybe it would open up your life to more friends? How cool would that be!
How about we have a ton of friends, a few good friends who really get us, with room to add more good friends when the ebb and flow of life moves us into different seasons? We change, and hopefully some of our friends move right along with us and stay with us. I challenge you to say "I love you" to ALL of the people you care about, including your friends, this month of February. I started last night and every day in February I will reach out and tell one of my friends I Love You. Will you do the same? Happy Valentines Day!
Jess
I was thinking lately, I am such a Words of Affirmation person, and I like to say "thank you" and "you are awesome at this" to my mom friends, but I rarely say "I love you". That struck me pretty hard. We are so eager to make sure we tell our partners, families, and kids we love them. Why not our friends?
Friends can be tricky sometimes. Especially for us girls. There can be drama, miscommunication, hard feelings, misunderstanding, but it's time, first of all, to connect with friends that you truly love, despite differences and strong-willed emotions. It doesn't matter if those friends you love started a problem or who did what! Be a friend and reach out first. All you have to say is "How are you? I miss you!" And start the conversation "Is everything okay?" Hash it out if the other person needs that. Say you are sorry. Oh, I cannot emphasize the latter enough. Say you're sorry, say you're sorry, say you're sorry. Even if you don't feel wrong, say you are sorry. Why? Because it validates their feelings! And especially because your friend actually voiced the problem, which is really hard for us girls to do! Or you can start the conversation by saying that things aren't okay and you wish they were and that you want to discuss it.
I highly recommend doing this in person or on the phone. If it has to be over text/email, try to be very descriptive as it's hard to tell how someone is coming across. Use lots of smiley faces!!
I am a recovering strong-willed person. I have to humble myself and love my friends. If I didn't, I don't know if I'd have any friends. A relationship is give and take.
So about the "I love you" part with friends. Our friends need to hear I Love You lots and lots, I believe. I wonder if it's because we girls are all about Words of Affirmation. It may be awkward for you to tell your friends I Love You. They may feel awkward about it. But you need to do it! And it gets easier for both parties once it's said enough! If you want to have long-term friends, I think I Love You, and actually loving your friend with what they need, is the best way to have friends for life.
Best Friend: 2 Dirty Words
The words "Best" and "Friend" together are dirty! Just as dirty is "One of My Best Friends". This is definitely a chord that will strike some of you negatively. If it does, that's okay and you don't have to agree with me. This is my opinion based on years of experience. I had a good friend, shall I say a GREAT friend, for many years from high school to my mid to late 20s. Anytime I would introduce her to my other friends, she would say "Jessica is my best friend since high school." Ugh, it really turned me off. I was very sensitive to the fact that other girls were thinking "I can't compete with that, she has a best friend- that place is taken. I wonder if I will have a lesser relationship with Jessica". In my early 20s, I had another dear friend who started calling me her best friend. Unfortunately I had the opportunity to have these 2 friends who called me their Best Friend meet each other one day, and it was ugly. They were both like "No, she's MY best friend." Yuck. I am sad to say both of these girls are no longer in my life. Dare I say that the word "Best Friend" should be reserved to our high school days when we were young and don't know better, not knowing much about life in the real world after high school. Like I said, you can disagree and do whatever you wish with the words Best Friend and maybe even be a really mature person and say it, but it really strikes me the wrong way. We live in a huge world and I hope to meet many people and have very deep, special relationships. They can become good friends or great friends, but I will only ever talk about them as "a good friend", because good friends are awesome to have and those words don't intimidate other women into thinking they can't be as close to me. And heck, if you do happen to meet your very best friend in the whole wide world, definitely tell them! And then keep it a very fun secret between the 2 of you, never again to be used to distance other girlfriends in your life. ;)
I was at a playdate with a bunch of girls I knew, some I didn't, a few weeks ago. One of the girls I did not know said at least twice that she and her best friend were...blah blah blah. I completely stopped listening and had no interest in getting to know her any further. I think many girls feel this way and I'm not alone. What if you stopped saying those words? Maybe it would open up your life to more friends? How cool would that be!
How about we have a ton of friends, a few good friends who really get us, with room to add more good friends when the ebb and flow of life moves us into different seasons? We change, and hopefully some of our friends move right along with us and stay with us. I challenge you to say "I love you" to ALL of the people you care about, including your friends, this month of February. I started last night and every day in February I will reach out and tell one of my friends I Love You. Will you do the same? Happy Valentines Day!
Jess
Friday, January 31, 2014
Grace-full Day
Today was a beautiful day. When you hear what happened, you will probably not understand at first why it was so beautiful. You would have most likely been pissed. I should have been too. The fact that I wasn't upset is what made it so...beautiful.
I was tired all day. What's new? Pregnancy problem no. 2,867,007. Tomorrow is Eli's 2nd birthday and I spent all day with Cory cleaning our house inside and outside because we haven't cleaned it in months. It's hard to admit, but really it has been MONTHS since our house was spic and span. I needed to reorganize inside cupboards and bins just to get them organized enough so there was room to put stuff in them that was lying around the house! And Eli has grown out of a lot of toys and clothing so I sorted through that as well. The kitchen appliances were disgusting and I was embarrassed to have them be seen in their icky condition. We have white (yes, white) microfiber couches- ahem, purchased pre-baby- that were dirty and had spills on them from a toddler so those had to be scrubbed down. Just to give you an idea of how exhausted I was, I would scrub the couch with my washcloth a few times, stop to huff and give my body a break, scrub a few more times, repeat. SO annoying for this "Type A personality girl". The things I just listed only touched the surface of everything we had to clean (pun intended). I craved a shower.
Then I baked enough cupcakes and a cake for 25 plus people. At first Eli's party was going to be a few close family members, but then I couldn't help but invite some close friends and kids. Keep in mind that I don't usually ever bake. We eat really clean most of the time so baking is like a twice a year event- Thanksgiving and Eli's birthday, no joke. So I am as slow as a snail at baking. I am too scared I am gonna screw up so I was in the kitchen for over 3 hours. I am very happy my husband reminded me to wear my workout shoes or my feet would have fallen off! Cory worked around me and made some dinner items to help with the hustle and bustle tomorrow. I really craved a shower.
About 5 pm, Cory and I have a little convo- what's wrong with Eli? We started to realize that he'd been awfully quiet all afternoon and sluggish. We stopped everything and thank goodness cupcakes were almost done baking, and we laid on the couch with Eli as his eyes were opening and closing a bit. He felt so hot. He was sick! A half hour later he had a high temp, so we laid him on the couch and he slept on and off for a few hours. After that, we put him to bed, but not until he threw up everything possible. Fortunately he had a ton of fluids before we put him to bed. We both laid hands on him and prayed. I have mixed feelings about him being sick. I hate seeing his little spunky, loving spirit being stolen from him, but also I LOVE all the cuddles we get where he wraps his arms tight around our necks and wants to nuzzle.
After he went down, I had to cancel the party with everyone. I couldn't believe I had to do that- after planning this for a few weeks and then this sickness hit Eli out of nowhere. Fortunately a few adults are still coming tomorrow. Thank God because Cory and I can't eat all of this food and cake! And we didn't want to be alone on Eli's birthday. That would have been so sad.
As I am getting ready for bed tonight I realized that I am not upset. This is the oddest thing in the world because on any other day I would have been so upset that we did all of this work and hardly anyone's coming over, and that Eli will be sick on his birthday. All of this stuff would have piled up over my mind and drowned me. I would have been so angry at the end of any other day. But why not today?
There are these tiny "grace-filled" moments in life, and I believe I got one today! Yesterday was a bad day just being in my body and I was tired. And yet today even though I was tired, my mind and emotions could handle it! Kind of like a little sunshine cracking through the skyline of a cloudy, rainy day. It shouldn't have happened, and I might have missed it! I have been thanking God all evening that little the annoyances and hardships didn't get under my skin one time today. It honestly was so perfect and so...beautiful! I have been so happy and just hum-drum about life and that is not normal for me- that is not how I was raised (I was not raised to be peaceful and just enjoy life) and it's not typical.
I think our lives are filled with grace-full moments, and we really miss a lot of what God does to save us every day. Whether or not you're a Christian, I think God gives them to us, and we just have to look out for them, and that's how much he loves us. I am willing to bet that if you can recognize those moments, then God made those days and moments just for you!
I also had a few cupcakes. Best. Day Ever.
Jess
I was tired all day. What's new? Pregnancy problem no. 2,867,007. Tomorrow is Eli's 2nd birthday and I spent all day with Cory cleaning our house inside and outside because we haven't cleaned it in months. It's hard to admit, but really it has been MONTHS since our house was spic and span. I needed to reorganize inside cupboards and bins just to get them organized enough so there was room to put stuff in them that was lying around the house! And Eli has grown out of a lot of toys and clothing so I sorted through that as well. The kitchen appliances were disgusting and I was embarrassed to have them be seen in their icky condition. We have white (yes, white) microfiber couches- ahem, purchased pre-baby- that were dirty and had spills on them from a toddler so those had to be scrubbed down. Just to give you an idea of how exhausted I was, I would scrub the couch with my washcloth a few times, stop to huff and give my body a break, scrub a few more times, repeat. SO annoying for this "Type A personality girl". The things I just listed only touched the surface of everything we had to clean (pun intended). I craved a shower.
Then I baked enough cupcakes and a cake for 25 plus people. At first Eli's party was going to be a few close family members, but then I couldn't help but invite some close friends and kids. Keep in mind that I don't usually ever bake. We eat really clean most of the time so baking is like a twice a year event- Thanksgiving and Eli's birthday, no joke. So I am as slow as a snail at baking. I am too scared I am gonna screw up so I was in the kitchen for over 3 hours. I am very happy my husband reminded me to wear my workout shoes or my feet would have fallen off! Cory worked around me and made some dinner items to help with the hustle and bustle tomorrow. I really craved a shower.
About 5 pm, Cory and I have a little convo- what's wrong with Eli? We started to realize that he'd been awfully quiet all afternoon and sluggish. We stopped everything and thank goodness cupcakes were almost done baking, and we laid on the couch with Eli as his eyes were opening and closing a bit. He felt so hot. He was sick! A half hour later he had a high temp, so we laid him on the couch and he slept on and off for a few hours. After that, we put him to bed, but not until he threw up everything possible. Fortunately he had a ton of fluids before we put him to bed. We both laid hands on him and prayed. I have mixed feelings about him being sick. I hate seeing his little spunky, loving spirit being stolen from him, but also I LOVE all the cuddles we get where he wraps his arms tight around our necks and wants to nuzzle.
After he went down, I had to cancel the party with everyone. I couldn't believe I had to do that- after planning this for a few weeks and then this sickness hit Eli out of nowhere. Fortunately a few adults are still coming tomorrow. Thank God because Cory and I can't eat all of this food and cake! And we didn't want to be alone on Eli's birthday. That would have been so sad.
As I am getting ready for bed tonight I realized that I am not upset. This is the oddest thing in the world because on any other day I would have been so upset that we did all of this work and hardly anyone's coming over, and that Eli will be sick on his birthday. All of this stuff would have piled up over my mind and drowned me. I would have been so angry at the end of any other day. But why not today?
There are these tiny "grace-filled" moments in life, and I believe I got one today! Yesterday was a bad day just being in my body and I was tired. And yet today even though I was tired, my mind and emotions could handle it! Kind of like a little sunshine cracking through the skyline of a cloudy, rainy day. It shouldn't have happened, and I might have missed it! I have been thanking God all evening that little the annoyances and hardships didn't get under my skin one time today. It honestly was so perfect and so...beautiful! I have been so happy and just hum-drum about life and that is not normal for me- that is not how I was raised (I was not raised to be peaceful and just enjoy life) and it's not typical.
I think our lives are filled with grace-full moments, and we really miss a lot of what God does to save us every day. Whether or not you're a Christian, I think God gives them to us, and we just have to look out for them, and that's how much he loves us. I am willing to bet that if you can recognize those moments, then God made those days and moments just for you!
I also had a few cupcakes. Best. Day Ever.
Jess
Tuesday, January 28, 2014
The Meaningful Life
The past few days I have been sulky. I guess that is what naturally happens sometimes when you're pregnant AND chasing around at toddler. It is truly the best of days and hardest of days. To be honest I feel like about 50 percent of the time I am ungrateful and have a bad attitude. This pregnancy has really made me cranky and I miss working out full time, which would help with depression I'm sure. Eli makes it ALL worthwhile though. How did I get blessed with such a great spirit in a kid? He is funny, silly, and yet very nurturing. Very spirited. His spirit makes me realize how valuable everyone is. He makes me love humanity.
Right now Eli loves Veggie Tales. I have to watch it many times a day. I really am starting to loathe Veggie Tales, but then there are times when I really get into it with him and will even cry sometimes because it has such great value to take away from it. Lately the only one I put on for him is the one called The Meaningful Life. I actually really like this one! I will admit also that the past few times it has made me cry. It makes me realize that even though life is mostly made up of mundane moments, millions of them, that our lives do have meaning. Our lives aren't accidents. If you have time, watch the The Meaningful Life by Veggie Tales. It's on Netflix. It's fantastic.
Today I found out that a dear friend of mine from 10 years ago passed away. She was 33 years old and has a daughter who is 3. I didn't know she had a daughter. I did know that she suffered from depression and alcoholism a decade ago, and her obituary made it seem like that had something to do with her passing. I have been in turmoil this evening after learning of her death. Despite her mental health issues, Nora was very lovable. She was kind and giving. She had so much to give the world. I will never know what all she gave the world in the past 10 years. Her spirit was infectious. I wonder what she will be remembered for by others.
It made me think of everyday life and how meaningful it is. It made me realize that instead of being a victim in life, instead of focusing on the negative and the mundane, I need to focus on the little things around me that make life worth living. I need to notice someone in the grocery store who is having a bad day and say a kind word. Maybe even make them my new friend. Every day needs to be a day to make a difference. I want my kids to know that I loved them more than I loved myself. That I loved deeply. That I gave deeply and set down my phone and work aside to love. I want to leave a Love legacy. There is an enemy in the world who wants to destroy love and I think that's the main reason why people get self-consumed and self-destructive. If only we could truly and deeply know that Love Conquers All.
Jess
Wednesday, January 22, 2014
Starting Over
I am a person who loves to start over. If I fail, I start anew. Or I start something new altogether! I love starting a new relationship with a friend. The "getting to know each other stage". To find the things we have in common and laugh. And it has happened a few times in my lifetime, but I've managed to have long-term friends who we keep laughing and discovering together. That is something else I love in life, but this blog is about new things and starting over.
I sometimes do feel guilty about starting over. And as a stay at home mom and business owner, I need to let myself off the hook if I'm not sticking with something that used to work but now it doesn't. Throw it away and start over! That should be my mantra.
For the past year and few months, when my son was one year old, I ventured out and began a Beachbody business because I love working out and I'm passionate about it. And that first year was the most work I'd ever done in my whole life. I was all over the map. I had a blog, a Facebook page, and other social media I was spending countless of time investing in, for my marketing strategies in my business. And I loved making new relationships. People in my organization said I was a go-getter, and I was going places. And I'd lost 60 pounds in my son's first year of life. I had so much to be proud of and look forward to!
A few months ago when my son was about 19 months old, my life changed drastically. My son was not okay with just exploring the house anymore. He needed quality time with me. And I wanted it with him badly as well. At that exact same time I lost about half of my Beachbody networking business downline and it was a blessing because I didn't have the time to invest in them. I had to make a choice: work, or my son.
A lot of people gave me their opinions- and I asked for some of them. I could keep going hard-core and make tons of money! Or I could dial it back and spend time with Eli. I decided to start teaching Eli the alphabet and it was so fun. We spent hours just cuddling and eating food together at meal times. He was becoming more mature, not just a baby anymore. I wanted to create the home for him that I would have wanted as a child. A place to have memories with home-cooked meals, laughter, reading, playing. Relationship. So I chose him over my job. And I could do that, and I feel blessed. I started over with my son and I don't have any regrets about that!
My biggest regret right now it losing all of the hard work I put into my Beachbody business. I am still a coach. I still want to make relationships and help people. I can't view it as a loss. I learned so much about business, myself, how to manage time, how to be a better friend, leader, motivator. And I learned the do's and don'ts about social media (okay, I'll admit I am not perfect in that arena) and I and still want to help people. Will I be super rich by choosing to raise my baby and not choose to go crazy on my business? Maybe not, but I know that I always can pick back up when the time is right. I still am an individual person in this life with a lot to offer, not just being a mom. I have my own desires as a woman and a human being, and I feel blessed that I live in a time where I can be someone more at another time. And my son sits next to me now, pretend-typing on his laptop next to me. He is so precious.
I am pregnant with baby #2 (Zoe Jane), and cannot wait to bring her into this world and be her friend and gracious leader in life. I am starting over and giving myself grace to just be a mom right now, and find comfort in knowing that I am enough :)
Jess
I sometimes do feel guilty about starting over. And as a stay at home mom and business owner, I need to let myself off the hook if I'm not sticking with something that used to work but now it doesn't. Throw it away and start over! That should be my mantra.
For the past year and few months, when my son was one year old, I ventured out and began a Beachbody business because I love working out and I'm passionate about it. And that first year was the most work I'd ever done in my whole life. I was all over the map. I had a blog, a Facebook page, and other social media I was spending countless of time investing in, for my marketing strategies in my business. And I loved making new relationships. People in my organization said I was a go-getter, and I was going places. And I'd lost 60 pounds in my son's first year of life. I had so much to be proud of and look forward to!
A few months ago when my son was about 19 months old, my life changed drastically. My son was not okay with just exploring the house anymore. He needed quality time with me. And I wanted it with him badly as well. At that exact same time I lost about half of my Beachbody networking business downline and it was a blessing because I didn't have the time to invest in them. I had to make a choice: work, or my son.
A lot of people gave me their opinions- and I asked for some of them. I could keep going hard-core and make tons of money! Or I could dial it back and spend time with Eli. I decided to start teaching Eli the alphabet and it was so fun. We spent hours just cuddling and eating food together at meal times. He was becoming more mature, not just a baby anymore. I wanted to create the home for him that I would have wanted as a child. A place to have memories with home-cooked meals, laughter, reading, playing. Relationship. So I chose him over my job. And I could do that, and I feel blessed. I started over with my son and I don't have any regrets about that!
My biggest regret right now it losing all of the hard work I put into my Beachbody business. I am still a coach. I still want to make relationships and help people. I can't view it as a loss. I learned so much about business, myself, how to manage time, how to be a better friend, leader, motivator. And I learned the do's and don'ts about social media (okay, I'll admit I am not perfect in that arena) and I and still want to help people. Will I be super rich by choosing to raise my baby and not choose to go crazy on my business? Maybe not, but I know that I always can pick back up when the time is right. I still am an individual person in this life with a lot to offer, not just being a mom. I have my own desires as a woman and a human being, and I feel blessed that I live in a time where I can be someone more at another time. And my son sits next to me now, pretend-typing on his laptop next to me. He is so precious.
I am pregnant with baby #2 (Zoe Jane), and cannot wait to bring her into this world and be her friend and gracious leader in life. I am starting over and giving myself grace to just be a mom right now, and find comfort in knowing that I am enough :)
Jess
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