2018: The Year of the Swimsuit

Every summer for my entire adult life I have been uncomfortable in a swimsuit. That is, on the rare occasion when I put one on. There were even several years when I was physically fit and probably looked nice in a swimsuit. But even that statement makes me mad, because who was I letting be the judge of how I look in a swimsuit?

In the past few years, I have been highly aware of about how many women have talked about their bodies in any and all conversations with me:

"Ugh, I'm a hot mess."

"Ugh, I need to lose weight badly."

"Ugh, I hate the way my body looks." (Yep, actually said to me)

It's not that my friends can't be honest, but it's really the most annoying thing to me that my friends don't see their beauty. They are beautiful! And I wish instead of them saying stupid shit and then me having to convince them of their beauty, I wish they could see their OWN freaking beauty, and own it. And stop talking about it for gosh sakes! We have so much more to offer the world. And I truly believe those thoughts hold us back from our true potential!

I love working out, but the main reason I quit Beachbody coaching is that people constantly wanted to share with me how horrible their bodies were. And that's not why I was coaching. I was coaching because I simply loved working out! I digress...

Back to swimsuits. Nowadays, I only follow "body positive" accounts online. Some of them actually annoy me as well, because it's that other extreme where I see obese women living it up and loving themselves. I mean, it can't feel good to never work out and eat 5000 calories a day, because health problems.

Despite all that, my brain is changing. There is a woman on Instagram I follow who claims to be a size 14--around my size. And she's wearing swimsuits every day, ya'll. At first I didn't care about all that. Then a month or so later I'm on her account and it hit me:

SHE IS WEARING THE CUTEST BATHING SUITS I'VE EVER SEEN in all of her posts. And she's not skinny! But she decided to wear them anyway because she only gets one life. She is done obsessing about her body.

The greatest thing is that she takes all these photos with her kids on the beach having fun in their bathing suits. I almost cried yesterday when I realized that I've been missing out on a whole lot of amazing swimsuits and fun with my kids swimming just because of my body image issues around bathing suits.

So this is my year. I am gonna buy a bunch of swimsuits and get swimming with my kids.

I still have hard days where I don't love the weight holding me down, but I am less extreme about fitness, and I sure as heck am not dieting anymore. And life is better.

I'm gaining weight and it's all good.

Trigger warning: This is a story about dieting and body image/shaming:

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I am not one of the typical women who was on diets as a teenager. Until I was 27 years old, I’d never counted calories or stressed about my weight. Granted, I didn’t eat very healthy or cook for myself, and I ate poor quality food with hardly any nutrition, which I believed played a huge role as to why I suffered with depression and other ailments such as low energy. I did love working out, especially as an adolescent, so I thought that made up for the poor nutritional side of my life.

My “infamous” story (that’s in quotes because I saw myself as something pretty special) is that I lost 60 pounds within a year after birthing my first son. I joined a weight loss program that strictly told me what to eat, eat 6 times per day, restrict calories, dessert is bad, and how to work out 6 days in a week.

As a former control freak, this was amazing. Okay okay, I’m still somewhat of a control freak, but my kids have changed me.

And Oh. My. God. I was in love with my before and after posts and telling other women they could do it too, and look at how amazing I am... Ick.

The thing about a success like losing 60 pounds, or losing any weight, is that it’s VISIBLE. What I mean is that almost every other type of success is internal. People can’t see it unless they ask or unless you brag about it. (Go ahead, that’s what social media is for! Tag me if you have an internal success so I can give you some love :))

And when you have had that success of weight loss and people congratulating you, and you decide to make money owning a business where you sell products to help people lose weight too...it becomes highly addicting. At least for me it was.

But then I got pregnant with baby #2. And this baby is now 3 years old. And her mom (ahem, me) lost the weight and then GAINED IT BACK within a few years.

When my now 3 year old was 1, I happened upon an amazing coach who did work helping women unravel why women are actually not able to lose weight and usually end up gaining weight because of this strict dieting. I was intrigued. And then I became this woman’s virtual assistant (more on this story in a different post).

Also, can I just say IT’S FREAKING NORMAL TO GAIN WEIGHT. It’s not normal for most women to stay the same size as they were in high school/early 20s. I don’t care what the heck you wanna say to me about that. If you pride yourself on being the same size as you were in high school, I am blaming your genetics. You did nothing special. Lol, but I still love you.

The past two years I have not counted calories. I have worked hard to not see food as good, or bad. I have not eaten a regimen of 2 to 3 hours.

And I damn well DO NOT follow dieters/fitness personalities on social media anymore.

Listen, I am 36 years old, and I am, despite my mother’s deep disapproval the few times I saw her, not a size 6 anymore. I am a size 14.

Last night I ate Olive Garden and delicious breadsticks, and I refuse to hate myself for it because today I will balloon up and my pants will be tight. Just kidding, I only wear leggings now- they rule.

I just wish now, that I could wear a t-shirt everyday that says the following:

“I am raising confident, capable, hard working kids who love Jesus and are kind. They also talk to me about everything and anything. I’m a size 14 but my kids are amazing, and I’m an amazing mom.”

Or this one:

“I’ve put in over 350 hours in 5 months studying for a medical billing certification. I am freaking smart and self-driven!”

Or this:

“I stopped mid-bagging my groceries at the store to go help a mom bag her groceries because she was stressed out with kids crying. I didn’t have my kids with me and I saw her need.”

Or:

“My husband and I gave money to a village in Africa last year, not realizing that a little girl would write us a thank you letter 6 months later about how she bought her first tiny mattress to sleep on and the village could plant more vegetables to sustain them, which made me cry for an entire day because God is good!”

Because THOSE THINGS MATTER MORE than your pants size. Women, we are amazing beings doing amazing things in the world. Why can’t we wear a bathing suit and just accept the size we are today?

Probs mostly because the diet industry loves making money. The last formal workout I did was 6 weeks ago. I literally QUIT the entire program because as I was mid-tricep workout, the trainer on the video said “No one wants to see your arm wings flapping in the wind, let’s GO!” I wanted to freak out on her and shut that video down. She doesn’t have children, and where does she get off telling me that PEOPLE ARE GOING TO BE LOOKING AT MY ARM WINGS FLAPPING?!

More to come soon…

<3

7 Day Holiday Bootcamp for Busy Moms

Free Holiday Bootcamp!

I am interrupting my usual blog posts to do this special bootcamp for my mom friends!

I have set things aside, because I am excited to announce a Holiday Bootcamp for Busy Moms,
You have the option to read each day separately for the next week and spread it out, OR read through in one day and take the ideas that will best help you!

This Bootcamp is for you if you need help with organizing some basics before Christmas arrives. I find that the more we moms can tackle and streamline before Christmas, the more money we can save, the better we feel emotionally and physically, and therefore we can be more present with our families!

Happy day, mamas!! Here is Day 2 of getting ready for Christmas and feeling less stressful and more happy!

You'll want to tackle this easily by 1. getting rid of toys the kids no longer play with (or just throw around the house for no stupid reason), 2. Getting a few bins out and throwing toys in them for storage or the garage (don't forget to label them).

That's it! This is such an awesome way to make room for the Christmas toys that are coming. Now you'll have room for them and can rotate between garage toys and new toys in a few months!

Comment below and let me know when you've tackled this task! <3 Don't forget- you can tag mom friends and get them in on this fun little holiday bootcamp!

It's Day 3 of your Holiday Busy Mom Bootcamp! I am beyond excited to tell you this little trick to save you money! Here we go...

Don't fall into the trap of buying holiday dish sets! Here's why: Those little holiday sets are so enticing in Target and Macy's, and Pinterest has you thinking that you will be the most fashionable holiday mom ever if you invest. But here is why you should say "no!" to these every year: because you will be storing them for 364 days. For storage issues only, I steer clear.

Check out all the cool ways you can take your every day dishware and dress it up with napkins and a centerpiece! The main point about this day's post is to get really thoughtful about what you buy BEFORE you buy it, instead of filling your house with more clutter <3

This is my favorite day of the challenge, and I sincerely hope this practice changes your life like it has mine! Around the #holidays, it is especially ideal to keep a task list. If you are using paper lists, stop that right now! Download a task app from your App Market on your phone and simplify your life, and always have your task list with you from now on! (my personal favorite task app is Google Keep on my Android!)

One awesome thing to do with your task app (which you downloaded yesterday, right??) is to keep a list of the people you have purchase, and need to purchase, gifts for!

Create a new task sheet and jot down all of the people, plus a budgeted amount. If you stick to this list, and commit to it, you could potentially save hundreds of $$ this #Christmas! <3

Don't forget to tag mom friends who need to save money!

Your Day 6 Challenge is more for your personal health overall! How cool are these metabolism stats? Drinking water and staying hydrated and healthy will help you be happier and help withstand holiday stress.

I am a water drinker, friends! How about you? What other healthy tactics do you use to have a healthier, happier life?

You made it to Day 7 of the Busy Moms Holiday Bootcamp! I hope this was as fun for you, as it's been for me! Thanks for spending the week with me, and treating yourself kindly! I can't wait to post later today and shout out those of you who were apart of this challenge.

For a free gift, head to www.jessicalwelch.com, and sign up to get my FREE meal guide. It is a gift to you, and my most-requested item from the moms in my life. I no longer count calories, and instead created this simple, weekly guide with my husband to help me simplify life without dreading counting calories ever again.

Thanks for sticking with me this week. If you want another challenge like this, please let me know in the comments! :)

Xoxo,
Jess

Can You Really Have a "Happy Life"?

FlourishingMom.com

If there are any moms out there that need some confidence building, support, and guidance, then this blog is for you. Let’s talk about some of the main issues you could be facing right now as a mom of young children. You:

• Don’t feel pretty enough (not measuring up to those fitness models on IG)
• Don’t feel secure in your parenting abilities
• Had massive weight gain
• Are isolated at home
• Have to work outside the home, and you’re missing your kids
• Yell at your kids, or your kids aren’t behaving well
• Your house looks like it barfed up 17 loads of laundry
• Are too effing tired to do laundry. Or clean toilets
• Broke as a joke 
• Wonder what your life's purpose is?
• Are not gaining traction in that business you started 
• Are not feeling connected to your spouse or partner
• [Insert your own issue not listed above]

This stuff is all upsetting. But this blog post going forward is going to challenge where you’re at right now. Take a deep breath, and keep reading!

Here is a question to ask yourself: “What if everyone in my life treated me perfectly, I looked perfect every second of every day, and my house was spotless?”

When phrased like that, you can see why it’s blown out of proportion…because you are saying that from your own filter of life. But everyone has their own filter on life and by wishing upon a perfect life, you are saying that the way you want things is top priority to all humans and all of life. #NotGonnaHappen 

It is a sad day (and today could be that day) when you realize that if you always look to outward sources to be happy, then happiness will never happen to you. Not 100% of every person, thing, situation is going to be how you want it. So what shall we focus on to achieve happiness? And is happiness possible to achieve?

Mental Shift

It is, but it takes a mental shift. This may be news to you, because we are in a ridiculously busy society. We are on the go, running crazy on social media, buying “stuff” and filling our houses and thinking about those crazy love triangles on social media and if your hair looked okay in that one pic to get enough likes.... It can be such insanity. We all get trapped inside these rat races. This is where the mental shift comes in.

The key to happiness, to life in fact, really comes from inside of us. You can tell this is true because no matter where you are on your journey in life, the outside stuff never satisfies. Who you are inside is very important: your thoughts, soul, emotions, and spiritual being. All of this makes you very powerful. So powerful in fact, that you have manifested what is in your life thus far. If that’s true, then you can work on manifesting new things that you actually want!

Eyes on the Prize

A good example would be what happens when focusing on negative drivers. Someone cuts you off, and you get pissed off. You are fuming. That car has gone on it’s way, and you are still focused on that angry feeling. What follows is that you start noticing that you missed the light and you’ll be late, Stupid light! And another car went freaking slow on the freeway, and that one dude forgot his blinker when switching lanes. Unfortunately, there were other great drivers out there at that same time, and they were were following the laws, moving out of your way, using their blinkers, driving cautiously. But did you notice those cars? Hmmmm? Or did all of the bad stuff happen because that’s what your mind was focused on?

That is how powerful your mind is. You created a bad driving experience for yourself. YOU created it. You CREATED it. You created IT.

I hope that is sinking in. I used to really fight against that ideology that we are powerful enough to created good and bad in the world that easily. And since it’s true that your negative mindset has the power to create with such force, think about what would happen if you shifted that into positive thinking? Negative thoughts are so powerful, BUT kindness, positivism, and love can also be very infectious in the opposite way.

Tricking Yo Mind

This is the best part of this blog. It’s the “Tricking Yo Mind” practice. This could change your entire life starting today. Here is how it works!

You start by visualizing and meditating on what you would LIKE to happen. What do you want to happen with your kids who are little terrors? What do you want to happen with that cluttery house? What do you want to happen with that unloving spouse? Etc, etc.

Let’s shift our focus and use one prime example: The "my kids are little terrorists" situation. Yes, thaaaaat’s a good one. Take out a piece of paper and write attributes of what you would LIKE to see in your kids such as, What would it look like to have a great day with them? Would they be kind to each other? Would they listen better? Would they clean up? Be very specific about what you would love to see happen!

As soon as you do this, post your list somewhere you can see it. Or you don’t have to, just put it in a tab on your to-do list phone app, or just record it to memory. There's no right or way to do this as long as it is something you're going to focus on for the long-haul.

Get ready to blow your own mind!! Because here’s how this whole thing works…

After enough practice focusing on the positive changes you are looking for in your kids, you will start to NOTICE THE GOOD things they are doing! At first, you might notice the bad things and how they’re not measuring up to your list. But keep at it. Your brain is doing some rewiring. It will start to mostly see the good stuff. You will start praising their good behavior, and in turn you will start noticing them grow up, mature, and be loving to each other.

Real Change

Now, are they really changing? OR is it YOU who is changing?

I personally believe that

1.   It starts with you, and you will be the first one changing.
2.  They will, in fact, be changing.

Why is it this tactic works for changing them?

It is because even though it’s your own personal filter on life, you are doing something that the most influential coaches on earth do, which is that you are coaching your kids to greatness! A great team would NEVER thrive by a negative coach yelling at them and pointing out their flaws constantly. A great team thrives and conquers because they have a coach who BELIEVES in them and sees the good!

Don’t forget that the above scenario was just an example. You can do this with ANY area of your life. If you want to succeed at that business, inspire yourself! Focus and trick your mind to believe you’ve already achieved that big income goal, or that you finally have that best friend you’ve always wanted, or that you have become that beautiful version of yourself that you've always wanted to be on the inside AND outside, etc. Just remember to be specific about who you want to become, not vague. And keep at it! I believe consistency is key. Don’t give up. People give up way too soon. Keep going. I believe in you!

I’d love to know your thoughts on this blog post:  

1. What would you like to see happen differently in your life?
2. Do you believe you have the power of changing your life?
3. Do these concepts seem foreign to you, but you want to change focus and see if it helps you be happier?
4. Do you believe you deserve happiness? And that it’s achievable?
5. Do you have any other questions for me? I would love to help!

One thing to wrap this up and leave you with is my favorite saying that my husband Cory has always told me, and I have adopted it as my life mantra:

"You don't have control over what other people do or what other circumstances happen to you, but you have control over how to respond."

Love,

Jess                                     

 JessicaLWelch.com

You are here for a reason. You've worked hard, learned from mistakes, and it has ultimately shaped you to be the person that you are today.

— Chalene Johnson (@ChaleneJohnson) November 24, 2015

This Isn't a Test Run.

Enjoying my life. I could sit all day and think about the renovations I want on my house. Our early 90's kitchen floor needs to be ripped out and replaced. I desperately want accent walls all throughout the house, new backplashes in the kitchen and all the bathrooms as well as new counters in all of them.

I would also love to do some work to the outside of the house, and I dream about having a walk-through garden with pretty little lights flickering on hot summer nights. I feel like I get overwhelmed by these thoughts. (I wonder if looking at Pinterest every day doesn't help!) When you have toddlers and are a stay at home mom, it is easy to think about the "what-ifs", and the thoughts can consume you. A dreamland of all the things you could do and all the ways you could express yourself in your home. Thoughts all-consuming, most likely because they are thoughts to distract from the daily grind of mommy duties.

I grew up with a mom who was a doer, a renovator. She loved gardening, home projects, perfecting her house. She always deep-cleaned. Most of the memories of my mom are seeing the back of her silhouette. Home projects were her escape. I could do that too.

I know that if I start the home renovations, I doubt that I ever be satisfied until the whole house is perfect. I scare myself sometimes. My husband knows I am an "all in or all out" type of person. If I start, would I stop? Would I be able to do renovate one part of the house and then stop to enjoy it?

This, I believe, is a next stage of growth for me. I am in the process of learning to enjoy one thing and feel satisfied. I don't want to ignore my family. And almost as significantly, I don't want to ignore my own health. I need to be relaxed and filled up so I can love myself and my family.

This isn't a "test run" of a life. This is my one and only. I think about the end. Will I care about the renovations and stress I put on myself? Or will I care about the love of my family life and the cultivation of it?


Jess

Exposed

Today was a tad different than yesterday. Yesterday I blogged as if Mommy Life was complete bliss and that nothing is wrong with the world. But that is not reality. I wish yesterday had carried on for the rest of my life, with my cute little toddler behaving so perfectly.

Today was of the "I could burn my house down!!" and "Is there something I WON'T cry about today?!" variety. I am so freakin' tired. Yes hormonal with pregnancy, but also my 2 year old Eli wants something new to eat every 20 minutes. I can't simply lie around on the couch with his tirades. If I ignore him or say no, he'll scream bloody murder, so I cater. But then I look at him with big doe eyes and think "OMG, you are going to be in shock when your sister is born in a few months and I won't be able to cater to your every whim." Poor little guy, his whole world's gonna turn upside down. And hopefully for the better..?

So onto this morning's Dark Ages: the toilet is clogged- AGAIN. One of our toilets clogs every damn day. Yes I said "damn", because I wish I could say that's an exaggeration, but it's not. Ask my husband. He'll tell you about our toilet clogs and he doesn't exaggerate in the slightest. So as the water rose to the top, and I closed the lid, praying it would go down (hey, sometimes it does!), I then proceeded to take a nice quiet shower because Eli was watching a movie. As soon as I stepped out of the lovely shower, I saw him walk over and flush the toilet again.

So let me keep this next part of the story brief: I dropped my towel, exposing my pregnant nakedness, and ran to get 8 towels from the hall closet. On coming back into the bathroom, the water was everywhere. Ugh, disgusting- especially after taking a shower and feeling like a fresh mama, this was bad timing!

I sopped up the water, which Eli and I both had walked through. I won't go through all of the details but I was so out of control angry I went to throw a bathroom fixture out the back door in my anger. The strong Tri Cities wind blew the door open so fast that I am 99.9% sure that at least one of my neighbors saw me naked. I am mortified.

So I went to put on a bathrobe, which then turned Eli into a screaming monster who also wanted a bathrobe. But the bathrobes are too big, and then he yells and cries more so I just stood there not knowing what to do.

Soo, my morning was terrible. I was crying and crying. Eli didn't know what to think. I kept hugging him, but crying. In moments like those, I just want to hide away. I felt so ashamed. And it wasn't due to my nakedness (I got over that. Hey, at least a neighbor got an interesting day and story to tell if he or she saw the nakeds) but instead my anger was due to the spilled toilet water and endlessly crying toddler who I can't satisfy! I didn't want to talk to anyone. I thought "I can deal with this alone. I need to pray, or maybe I need to analyze and get a grip." But I just knew from past experience that I couldn't do that and feel whole!

So I did a hard thing- the opposite of my strong will- and called a few friends who I knew would listen to me. My friend Halley just listened quietly as she answered the phone and I started crying. I told her I was having a crap day. She really listened to me, and let me just be a mess. One of my friends, my "mom", Phyllis, laughed and laughed with me as I told her my whole story and especially at the "naked" parts of the story. I laughed so hard too that I was crying again, but this time tears of joy. My friend Melody and I talked when she called me to chat, and we had a heart to heart about the hard "mommy days". Halley brought me flowers at lunchtime as well as some curry chicken and milkshakes. Our boys played, and she and I talked intimately about life.

My whole day changed, and it's because I reached out to people who love me and accept me. I wanted to blog about this today because it is SO IMPORTANT to have safe people in our mom lives. People we can trust to let us be a mess, and people who can come to us when they're a mess and they can trust us too.

In our culture, it is so hard to have a group of friends or family who will just come around and support us. We are all separated in our little homes. We have to discern who our friends are, and ASK them to be there for us. They can't read our minds. I would have stayed holed up today with no one- if I hadn't been vulnerable and reached out.

Do you have so much pride you can't reach out and ask for help? Can you be vulnerable with a friend and share intimacy? If not right now and you've been lonely, it's time to reach out! But it's a journey, and it takes courage to step out. And you will get hurt- because some people aren't safe and you can't trust them. Then you navigate to new, safer friends who will listen and let you be yourself, if you open up.

Be encouraged and loved today, my friends! <3

Rainy, Cozy Day

I am sitting here on this rainy day with my 2 year old mister Eli, wondering if the day could get any better! I woke up early due to Eli saying "Mama, Mama, helllOOOO!" under his bedroom door at 5:15 am. He can't turn the door handle yet, and that is a blessing because at 5 am in the morning, I don't want him running around the house. I should have just ignored his yelling because he probably would have just assumed I was sleeping and gone back to bed. But out of habit, I just got up and opened his door, hoping to just lead him back into his bed to go night night. Oh no, he was pissed. He started thrashing, he screamed over and over. Wow, I have a strong little man! Since Cory was going to get up anyway for work, he had me go back to bed and took over. I should have just gotten up because for the next hour in bed, I couldn't sleep since Zoe was kicking me in my pregnant belly the whole time. Eli came into my bed awhile later and cuddled me for a bit, then literally kicked me in my face- TWICE- then cried loudly that he was sorry after realizing he hurt me. That will wake anyone up for the day, guaranteed!

I have been up with Eli just hanging around the house, cleaning up, making breakfast, wiping his nose, washing his hands a half dozen times on the step-stool in the bathroom, giving him his daily, coveted gummy vitamin and singing praises to the gummy vitamin for it's goodness. Then we watched the Leapfrog Phonics Farm show on Netflix and Eli told me all the letters and their sounds. When we got to "J", I told him J was the first letter of my name, Jessica, so he then walked around the house saying "My name! My name!" so that was a huge success, lol.

I was thinking it was just a hum-drum day. Until I realized it is such a beautiful rainy day and I was taking it for granted! I remember working outside the home for years and on rainy days like this. I would always DREAM about how I wished so badly I could stay home and cuddle up with a cup of coffee while watching the rain fall outside. And now I can! So that's what Eli and I are doing right now. I'm on my laptop, he's on his toy laptop and we are sipping our drinks and enjoying this rainy day. I am excited to blog today, just to blog, with no agenda.

I hope you moms, and everyone else, can enjoy the day as well, and just enjoy today without hurry.