Every summer for my entire adult life I have been uncomfortable in a swimsuit. That is, on the rare occasion when I put one on. There were even several years when I was physically fit and probably looked nice in a swimsuit. But even that statement makes me mad, because who was I letting be the judge of how I look in a swimsuit?
In the past few years, I have been highly aware of about how many women have talked about their bodies in any and all conversations with me:
"Ugh, I'm a hot mess."
"Ugh, I need to lose weight badly."
"Ugh, I hate the way my body looks." (Yep, actually said to me)
It's not that my friends can't be honest, but it's really the most annoying thing to me that my friends don't see their beauty. They are beautiful! And I wish instead of them saying stupid shit and then me having to convince them of their beauty, I wish they could see their OWN freaking beauty, and own it. And stop talking about it for gosh sakes! We have so much more to offer the world. And I truly believe those thoughts hold us back from our true potential!
I love working out, but the main reason I quit Beachbody coaching is that people constantly wanted to share with me how horrible their bodies were. And that's not why I was coaching. I was coaching because I simply loved working out! I digress...
Back to swimsuits. Nowadays, I only follow "body positive" accounts online. Some of them actually annoy me as well, because it's that other extreme where I see obese women living it up and loving themselves. I mean, it can't feel good to never work out and eat 5000 calories a day, because health problems.
Despite all that, my brain is changing. There is a woman on Instagram I follow who claims to be a size 14--around my size. And she's wearing swimsuits every day, ya'll. At first I didn't care about all that. Then a month or so later I'm on her account and it hit me:
SHE IS WEARING THE CUTEST BATHING SUITS I'VE EVER SEEN in all of her posts. And she's not skinny! But she decided to wear them anyway because she only gets one life. She is done obsessing about her body.
The greatest thing is that she takes all these photos with her kids on the beach having fun in their bathing suits. I almost cried yesterday when I realized that I've been missing out on a whole lot of amazing swimsuits and fun with my kids swimming just because of my body image issues around bathing suits.
So this is my year. I am gonna buy a bunch of swimsuits and get swimming with my kids.
I still have hard days where I don't love the weight holding me down, but I am less extreme about fitness, and I sure as heck am not dieting anymore. And life is better.
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