Grace-full Day

Today was a beautiful day. When you hear what happened, you will probably not understand at first why it was so beautiful. You would have most likely been pissed. I should have been too. The fact that I wasn't upset is what made it so...beautiful.

I was tired all day. What's new? Pregnancy problem no. 2,867,007. Tomorrow is Eli's 2nd birthday and I spent all day with Cory cleaning our house inside and outside because we haven't cleaned it in months. It's hard to admit, but really it has been MONTHS since our house was spic and span. I needed to reorganize inside cupboards and bins just to get them organized enough so there was room to put stuff in them that was lying around the house! And Eli has grown out of a lot of toys and clothing so I sorted through that as well. The kitchen appliances were disgusting and I was embarrassed to have them be seen in their icky condition. We have white (yes, white) microfiber couches- ahem, purchased pre-baby- that were dirty and had spills on them from a toddler so those had to be scrubbed down. Just to give you an idea of how exhausted I was, I would scrub the couch with my washcloth a few times, stop to huff and give my body a break, scrub a few more times, repeat. SO annoying for this "Type A personality girl". The things I just listed only touched the surface of everything we had to clean (pun intended). I craved a shower.

Then I baked enough cupcakes and a cake for 25 plus people. At first Eli's party was going to be a few close family members, but then I couldn't help but invite some close friends and kids. Keep in mind that I don't usually ever bake. We eat really clean most of the time so baking is like a twice a year event- Thanksgiving and Eli's birthday, no joke. So I am as slow as a snail at baking. I am too scared I am gonna screw up so I was in the kitchen for over 3 hours. I am very happy my husband reminded me to wear my workout shoes or my feet would have fallen off! Cory worked around me and made some dinner items to help with the hustle and bustle tomorrow. I really craved a shower.

About 5 pm, Cory and I have a little convo- what's wrong with Eli? We started to realize that he'd been awfully quiet all afternoon and sluggish. We stopped everything and thank goodness cupcakes were almost done baking, and we laid on the couch with Eli as his eyes were opening and closing a bit. He felt so hot. He was sick! A half hour later he had a high temp, so we laid him on the couch and he slept on and off for a few hours. After that, we put him to bed, but not until he threw up everything possible. Fortunately he had a ton of fluids before we put him to bed. We both laid hands on him and prayed. I have mixed feelings about him being sick. I hate seeing his little spunky, loving spirit being stolen from him, but also I LOVE all the cuddles we get where he wraps his arms tight around our necks and wants to nuzzle.

After he went down, I had to cancel the party with everyone. I couldn't believe I had to do that- after planning this for a few weeks and then this sickness hit Eli out of nowhere. Fortunately a few adults are still coming tomorrow. Thank God because Cory and I can't eat all of this food and cake! And we didn't want to be alone on Eli's birthday. That would have been so sad.

As I am getting ready for bed tonight I realized that I am not upset. This is the oddest thing in the world because on any other day I would have been so upset that we did all of this work and hardly anyone's coming over, and that Eli will be sick on his birthday. All of this stuff would have piled up over my mind and drowned me. I would have been so angry at the end of any other day. But why not today?

There are these tiny "grace-filled" moments in life, and I believe I got one today! Yesterday was a bad day just being in my body and I was tired. And yet today even though I was tired, my mind and emotions could handle it! Kind of like a little sunshine cracking through the skyline of a cloudy, rainy day. It shouldn't have happened, and I might have missed it! I have been thanking God all evening that little the annoyances and hardships didn't get under my skin one time today. It honestly was so perfect and so...beautiful! I have been so happy and just hum-drum about life and that is not normal for me- that is not how I was raised (I was not raised to be peaceful and just enjoy life) and it's not typical.

I think our lives are filled with grace-full moments, and we really miss a lot of what God does to save us every day. Whether or not you're a Christian, I think God gives them to us, and we just have to look out for them, and that's how much he loves us. I am willing to bet that if you can recognize those moments, then God made those days and moments just for you!

I also had a few cupcakes. Best. Day Ever.

Jess

The Meaningful Life

The past few days I have been sulky. I guess that is what naturally happens sometimes when you're pregnant AND chasing around at toddler. It is truly the best of days and hardest of days. To be honest I feel like about 50 percent of the time I am ungrateful and have a bad attitude. This pregnancy has really made me cranky and I miss working out full time, which would help with depression I'm sure. Eli makes it ALL worthwhile though. How did I get blessed with such a great spirit in a kid? He is funny, silly, and yet very nurturing. Very spirited. His spirit makes me realize how valuable everyone is. He makes me love humanity.

Right now Eli loves Veggie Tales. I have to watch it many times a day. I really am starting to loathe Veggie Tales, but then there are times when I really get into it with him and will even cry sometimes because it has such great value to take away from it. Lately the only one I put on for him is the one called The Meaningful Life. I actually really like this one! I will admit also that the past few times it has made me cry. It makes me realize that even though life is mostly made up of mundane moments, millions of them, that our lives do have meaning. Our lives aren't accidents. If you have time, watch the The Meaningful Life by Veggie Tales. It's on Netflix. It's fantastic.

Today I found out that a dear friend of mine from 10 years ago passed away. She was 33 years old and has a daughter who is 3. I didn't know she had a daughter. I did know that she suffered from depression and alcoholism a decade ago, and her obituary made it seem like that had something to do with her passing. I have been in turmoil this evening after learning of her death. Despite her mental health issues, Nora was very lovable. She was kind and giving. She had so much to give the world. I will never know what all she gave the world in the past 10 years. Her spirit was infectious. I wonder what she will be remembered for by others.

It made me think of everyday life and how meaningful it is. It made me realize that instead of being a victim in life, instead of focusing on the negative and the mundane, I need to focus on the little things around me that make life worth living. I need to notice someone in the grocery store who is having a bad day and say a kind word. Maybe even make them my new friend. Every day needs to be a day to make a difference. I want my kids to know that I loved them more than I loved myself. That I loved deeply. That I gave deeply and set down my phone and work aside to love. I want to leave a Love legacy. There is an enemy in the world who wants to destroy love and I think that's the main reason why people get self-consumed and self-destructive. If only we could truly and deeply know that Love Conquers All.

Jess

Starting Over

I am a person who loves to start over. If I fail, I start anew. Or I start something new altogether! I love starting a new relationship with a friend. The "getting to know each other stage". To find the things we have in common and laugh. And it has happened a few times in my lifetime, but I've managed to have long-term friends who we keep laughing and discovering together. That is something else I love in life, but this blog is about new things and starting over.

I sometimes do feel guilty about starting over. And as a stay at home mom and business owner, I need to let myself off the hook if I'm not sticking with something that used to work but now it doesn't. Throw it away and start over! That should be my mantra.

For the past year and few months, when my son was one year old, I ventured out and began a Beachbody business because I love working out and I'm passionate about it. And that first year was the most work I'd ever done in my whole life. I was all over the map. I had a blog, a Facebook page, and other social media I was spending countless of time investing in, for my marketing strategies in my business. And I loved making new relationships. People in my organization said I was a go-getter, and I was going places. And I'd lost 60 pounds in my son's first year of life. I had so much to be proud of and look forward to!

A few months ago when my son was about 19 months old, my life changed drastically. My son was not okay with just exploring the house anymore. He needed quality time with me. And I wanted it with him badly as well. At that exact same time I lost about half of my Beachbody networking business downline and it was a blessing because I didn't have the time to invest in them. I had to make a choice: work, or my son.

A lot of people gave me their opinions- and I asked for some of them. I could keep going hard-core and make tons of money! Or I could dial it back and spend time with Eli. I decided to start teaching Eli the alphabet and it was so fun. We spent hours just cuddling and eating food together at meal times. He was becoming more mature, not just a baby anymore. I wanted to create the home for him that I would have wanted as a child. A place to have memories with home-cooked meals, laughter, reading, playing. Relationship. So I chose him over my job. And I could do that, and I feel blessed. I started over with my son and I don't have any regrets about that!

My biggest regret right now it losing all of the hard work I put into my Beachbody business. I am still a coach. I still want to make relationships and help people. I can't view it as a loss. I learned so much about business, myself, how to manage time, how to be a better friend, leader, motivator. And I learned the do's and don'ts about social media (okay, I'll admit I am not perfect in that arena) and I and still want to help people. Will I be super rich by choosing to raise my baby and not choose to go crazy on my business? Maybe not, but I know that I always can pick back up when the time is right. I still am an individual person in this life with a lot to offer, not just being a mom. I have my own desires as a woman and a human being, and I feel blessed that I live in a time where I can be someone more at another time. And my son sits next to me now, pretend-typing on his laptop next to me. He is so precious.

I am pregnant with baby #2 (Zoe Jane), and cannot wait to bring her into this world and be her friend and gracious leader in life. I am starting over and giving myself grace to just be a mom right now, and find comfort in knowing that I am enough :)

Jess