Even though Valentines Day comes in February and is a time usually spent romancing our significant other, what about our friends? I am not yet at the stage where my toddler sends his friends little valentines cards and candies yet, that will be fun. But, moms, what I'm talking about is our girlfriends!
I was thinking lately, I am such a Words of Affirmation person, and I like to say "thank you" and "you are awesome at this" to my mom friends, but I rarely say "I love you". That struck me pretty hard. We are so eager to make sure we tell our partners, families, and kids we love them. Why not our friends?
Friends can be tricky sometimes. Especially for us girls. There can be drama, miscommunication, hard feelings, misunderstanding, but it's time, first of all, to connect with friends that you truly love, despite differences and strong-willed emotions. It doesn't matter if those friends you love started a problem or who did what! Be a friend and reach out first. All you have to say is "How are you? I miss you!" And start the conversation "Is everything okay?" Hash it out if the other person needs that. Say you are sorry. Oh, I cannot emphasize the latter enough. Say you're sorry, say you're sorry, say you're sorry. Even if you don't feel wrong, say you are sorry. Why? Because it validates their feelings! And especially because your friend actually voiced the problem, which is really hard for us girls to do! Or you can start the conversation by saying that things aren't okay and you wish they were and that you want to discuss it.
I highly recommend doing this in person or on the phone. If it has to be over text/email, try to be very descriptive as it's hard to tell how someone is coming across. Use lots of smiley faces!!
I am a recovering strong-willed person. I have to humble myself and love my friends. If I didn't, I don't know if I'd have any friends. A relationship is give and take.
So about the "I love you" part with friends. Our friends need to hear I Love You lots and lots, I believe. I wonder if it's because we girls are all about Words of Affirmation. It may be awkward for you to tell your friends I Love You. They may feel awkward about it. But you need to do it! And it gets easier for both parties once it's said enough! If you want to have long-term friends, I think I Love You, and actually loving your friend with what they need, is the best way to have friends for life.
Best Friend: 2 Dirty Words
The words "Best" and "Friend" together are dirty! Just as dirty is "One of My Best Friends". This is definitely a chord that will strike some of you negatively. If it does, that's okay and you don't have to agree with me. This is my opinion based on years of experience. I had a good friend, shall I say a GREAT friend, for many years from high school to my mid to late 20s. Anytime I would introduce her to my other friends, she would say "Jessica is my best friend since high school." Ugh, it really turned me off. I was very sensitive to the fact that other girls were thinking "I can't compete with that, she has a best friend- that place is taken. I wonder if I will have a lesser relationship with Jessica". In my early 20s, I had another dear friend who started calling me her best friend. Unfortunately I had the opportunity to have these 2 friends who called me their Best Friend meet each other one day, and it was ugly. They were both like "No, she's MY best friend." Yuck. I am sad to say both of these girls are no longer in my life. Dare I say that the word "Best Friend" should be reserved to our high school days when we were young and don't know better, not knowing much about life in the real world after high school. Like I said, you can disagree and do whatever you wish with the words Best Friend and maybe even be a really mature person and say it, but it really strikes me the wrong way. We live in a huge world and I hope to meet many people and have very deep, special relationships. They can become good friends or great friends, but I will only ever talk about them as "a good friend", because good friends are awesome to have and those words don't intimidate other women into thinking they can't be as close to me. And heck, if you do happen to meet your very best friend in the whole wide world, definitely tell them! And then keep it a very fun secret between the 2 of you, never again to be used to distance other girlfriends in your life. ;)
I was at a playdate with a bunch of girls I knew, some I didn't, a few weeks ago. One of the girls I did not know said at least twice that she and her best friend were...blah blah blah. I completely stopped listening and had no interest in getting to know her any further. I think many girls feel this way and I'm not alone. What if you stopped saying those words? Maybe it would open up your life to more friends? How cool would that be!
How about we have a ton of friends, a few good friends who really get us, with room to add more good friends when the ebb and flow of life moves us into different seasons? We change, and hopefully some of our friends move right along with us and stay with us. I challenge you to say "I love you" to ALL of the people you care about, including your friends, this month of February. I started last night and every day in February I will reach out and tell one of my friends I Love You. Will you do the same? Happy Valentines Day!
Jess
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